When I first saw this settled patch of Ponderosa Pines quilted together with scraps of fields undulating with buffalo grass and wild flowers, I just knew we could make it home. It came with a hidden to-do list that seems to get longer one day to the next but each job conquered makes this patch of earth more homey in a warped don't have time for TV anymore sort of way.
Little did I know wild prairie has to be mowed twice a year or scrub oak takes over like a mountain girl at an REI garage sale. So we got a little something to help do the job. I think the tractor can plant corn too. Next purchase on the manly to do list is a bee bee gun. Sigh. I can hear my side of the arguments already.
"No dear, breaking and entering the bird feeder is not a crime warranting the death penalty."
"The bear did what? That's all that's left of the trash can?! Okay, one bee bee in the bum."
"That sweet innocent looking squirrel family digs into foundations?!? Hand it to me. No not that sorry excuse of a pop gun, get me the shotgun!"
Don't judge until you've had those evil little monsters teach their four juvenile delinquents to mess up an entire shed, poop at each of your doors every morning and who are now key suspects on the wanted dead or alive posters of rodents who got into our basement and ruined all the insulation. Besides, those baby squirrels are tender right off the grill.
Now before any card carrying members of PETA post any hate I actually ordered a catch and release trap instead of the AK40 I had my eye on and besides anyone who's seen me catch and release everything from spiders to moths knows I would never hunt them down and stretch their little sorry hides on the side of my log home.
Lord, help me. Hubby's looking at chain saws now because a couple of pines block some of the view. Don't get me wrong, my honey's a handy wood working wonder of a guy but give him a tractor and suddenly he's a lumber jack? Time to research the nearest ER and one of those redneck recipe sites for honey barbequed baby-back squirrel. Yep, mountain girls may ruin a manicure but we definitely have more fun.
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