The Bear Facts of Life

The woods planned a surprise for me as I worked at my desk today. A black bear sauntered past our deck in broad daylight. The wonders and beauty of nature right out my window scared the freaking daylights out of me. Earlier, I thought about picking ripe choke cherries for jelly. Bears like choke cherries. I don't like choke cherry jelly anymore.

The neighbor's dogs have sent up a holy racket most of the day so you know darn good and well the bear skulks just around the corner of the shed as I write this. Later, I had to check the car for my cell phone so I skedaddled out the back and bolted the garage door like a kid on a moonless night right after watching The Exorcist.

The unvarnished truth started to filter through my bear induced sweat or what I like to call the bear facts of life. I have decided our existence is just too short to stress over little things because at any moment I could be the next thing a bear licks off his chops. So I savored lunch knowing what it's like when you just don't give a reeking bear crap about setting a good example for your kid anymore. And no I didn't get a bleeping picture of the bear. I was too busy finding clean underwear.

Beaks and Butts

I woke up this morning to a crisp breeze rippling through the aspens into my kitchen window. The glow of sunrise reflected off logs surrounded me as I brewed a cup of coffee to the tune of hummingbirds. Hang on a sec the hummingbirds are dive bombing each other again.

"Pipe down you nectar huffing bag pipes!"

Sorry they've been fighting over a butterfly bush for an hour now, persistent as sibling rivalry. They chase and ambush each other and believe it or not that lovely trill is starting to sound like spoiled milk steaming on the radiator. I think they flunked sharing in kindergarten.  

With my cup of coffee, I sit down angled so I can see the bird feeder. I'm curious about my fine feathered guests. My dad is the bird watcher so I took some photos to send him. I just want to learn their habits so I know which bird's next on the U. S. Fish and Wildlife's endangered species list if they peck at the side of the house one more time. I took pictures of this beautiful blue bird of happiness from all angles for easier identification.

I admired his royal blue brightness until he opened his beak. He let out a noise that would have made a female squeak toy fall in love. So that got me thinking with irreverent creativity. I know dangerous pastime, right? I figured out the next book that needs to be written and it will appeal to a discriminating way under-served market...